You have kids, cars, new job and mortgage. You come home and sit at dinner and your spouse looks at you like something is supposed to happen. But you’re too tired and you can’t give your partner some energy because you don’t have much to spare.
Your marriage or partnership may have run out of gas. It isn’t your fault. Millions of other marriages are also running on fumes. Working and raising children, today’s pace, the need for two incomes, lengthening workweeks, any inequities in workload, the breakdown of traditional supports like extended families and a stable community – and you have modern family life.
The results? A feeling of strain and exhaustion, not enough time, attention, energy, money, whatever to go around, too many things to do, living by doing (not by being), acquiring everything as a means to some end in a future that never comes.
A lot of marriages fall apart and many couples feel helpless about it. Marriage and fragmented families suffer: It is often unstated, even denied. Depending on the issues you and your spouse are going through, there are things you can do to change or improve your unhappy married life.
Discover The Truth
Determine the truth about your married life. Track your time carefully for a few days and then study the results. How much time daily do you actually spend one-on-on with your spouse? How much time is spent by the whole family together in a common pursuit? The truth may make you uncomfortable, but at least you are starting on solid ground.
Develop Real Values
Values, purposes, ideals, ethics – these are all necessary for any kind of marriage. Values imply what is possible. What do you believe is a reasonable vision of the joy, love and support possible within your relationship? What are you both committed to? Are you committed enough to really change the ways you spend time and money? It can be very helpful to write your purposes as a couple. Evaluate them and make the changes necessary.
Get Rid Of Addictions
Things may be both source of regenerations and refuge as well as hideout, cosmetic fix or addiction. Because addictions are consuming, they can cloud our thinking. Honestly discuss possibly addictive patterns in yourself. If you have an addiction, get professional help immediately. Every day that you wait is another day of pain and lost opportunity for yourself and the people you love.
Invest In Relationships
Be available for intimacy. Seriously, what kind of access does your spouse have to your time? Your attention? Your emotions? Giving and receiving the essence of relationships. Notice any holding back and talk about it.
Develop little rituals of love; a morning snuggle, talking at the end of the day, a walk after dinner, grace at the start of a meal. Do fun things together, as a couple and as a family.
Develop A Strong Love
Love, especially loving at will, is a capacity like any other and can be developed through practice. Practice bringing a strong force of love to each other, especially in the face of provocation. Be ready to say; “Look, I really love you, but how you are acting is unacceptable.” Don’t succumb to abuse. Just look for opportunities to give love to each other.